on red and green flags - original article published by Kynk101

https://kynk101.com/kink-bdsm-facts/toxicity

Whether you’re a Dominant or a submissive, knowing the red flags and green flags for kinky play partners is a key factor in mitigating risk.

It’s easy to forget that power dynamics are relationships, first and foremost. What do we mean by that? Well, relationships are between human beings, and as such, they all have their share of toxic partners: gaslighters, narcissists, abusers, you name it. 

Sadly, kinksters can never fully escape the real world— or its toxicity— unless we’re fast asleep in kinky dreamland. For that reason, it’s very important to recognize the “red flags” (as well as the “green” ones) when it comes to kink.

Many red flags in the vanilla world apply just as much to the kink one. But some of those flags are specific to kink and BDSM. 

While there are a number of toxic and dangerous people on both sides of the slash in BDSM, there are many good kinksters that enjoy healthy BDSM dynamics. Remember, if anyone tries to tell you what a “real” or “true” submissive or Dominant is or does - there is no such thing.

As always, just remember: consent and safety are at the forefront of all things kinky.

red flags in a D-type:

• immediately expect you to obey them or call them Sir, Daddy, Mistress, etc.
• doesn't ask about your limits or pushes you to do things you don't consent to
• tells you what a "real" or "true" submissive is or does
• separates you from friends, family, and/or kinky peers - including at events
• says they have no limits or suggests you shouldn't have any limits
• dismisses your opinions, thoughts, and feelings in favour of their "Dominance"
• dictates how the dynamic will be structured without your input

green flags in a D-type:

• wants to get to know you on a deeper level first before getting kinky
• actively seeks your consent and respects your boundaries and limits
• is interested in hearing about your kink journey
• respects your existing relationships and friendships
• asks about your limits and shares their with you
• emphasizes the importance of safety, consent, negotiations, and safewords
• wants to know your personal views and goals for a D/s dynamic

-

red flags in an s-type

• treats you like a kink dispenser for their own gratification
• pushes you to do things you don't consent to
• tells you what a "real" or "true" Dominant is or does
• rushes you into a dynamic
• says they have no limits or suggests you can do "anything" to them
• expects you to take all responsibility while they take none for themselves
• dictates how the dynamic will be structured without your input

green flags in an s-type

• wants to get to know you on a deeper level first before getting kinky
• respects your consent, limits, and boundaries and doesn't push for more
• is interested in hearing about your kink journey
• respects your existing relationships and friendships
• asks about your limits and shares their with you
• emphasizes the importance of safety, consent, negotiations, and safewords
• wants to know your personal views and goals for a D/s dynamic