punishment and reward - original article published by Master Stern and slave yielding

preserved from  www.thegoldentether.com/board/viewtopic.php?p=122342

"Discipline is the bridge between learning and accomplishment."

- Jim Rohn

Punishing your slave (and likewise rewarding her) is part and parcel of the Master/slave relationship. Little focus is placed on the "reward," and for good reason. Most slaves feel highly rewarded with just a word or two of praise. Praise for the successful completion of duty, however, should not be overly generous. Be sure that if you reward her with small tokens she does not come to expect them simply for fulfilling her obligations. The best way to reward your slave is to tell her she's done well and that she has pleased you.

Physical or emotional discipline can be used at any time, but punishment should be reserved for acts of disobedience. Further, you should attempt to find out why the disobedience occurred before the punishment begins, and whenever possible, use a punishment that fits the crime.

Know your slave before punishing her. Not all punishments work for all slaves. Punishments that involve pain should be thoughtfully executed - a slave should know she's being punished, but should never be given more pain that she can handle. Punishments that involve isolation or ignoring your slave should be executed just as thoughtfully. Understand your slave's emotional health before inflicting an emotionally charged punishment upon her.

Do not overuse punishment. If you do, you run the risk of a slave whose obedience is based on fear rather than the genuine desire to serve. A slave should not obey because she fears punishment, but because her true desire is to make you happy. On the other hand, punishment should not be pleasurable, and the slave should understand that the consequences of disobedience will be either painful or stressful in another way. Do not "terrify" the slave into submission.

Before you begin training your slave, you will need to clarify two areas. First, decide what actions your slave should consider unacceptable to you and will involve the aide of punishment techniques should she disregard them. If your meal is not on time, will she be punished? Verbally or physically? Is it that important to you? In general, punishment should be reserved for those times the slave is disobedient, and should not be used for failure to please you.

Once you punish a mistake, you will have to continue to punish it every time it happens. This is time-consuming, but if you do not follow through, your word cannot not be trusted. If she can't trust you in this small area of the relationship, how can she be expected to acquiesce to your decisions in larger areas? Do not punish randomly and mightily just because you can. Choose carefully and wisely. Don't choose to punish so many times that you can't remember your own rules.

Many new Masters make the mistake of moving into sexual stimulation immediately after a punishment. (I made this mistake myself during our initial time together.) Punishments followed by the immediate reward of sexual gratification are not punishments at all. Your slave can learn nothing from them. If the infraction is repeated after a punishment that involves sex, the responsibility is yours, not the slave's. Unfortunately, punishing a slave is often sexually stimulating. You will have to find it within you not to succumb to your own needs while trying to instill good behaviors in your slave.

Verbal warnings are often just as effective as a physical punishment. A verbal warning should not simply be a threat, although it might contain the promise of a future disciplinary action. Verbal warnings are meant to avoid punishment, but they should be given only once.

Lecturing is a more forceful method of avoiding physical punishment. Not a yelling session, a lecture is meant to create a sense of shame and remorse in the slave who has shirked her duties. During a lecture, the slave should be placed in the position of "Attention," (or whatever position works best for your needs). She should be allowed to speak only in response to your direct questioning. If she is dressed, her skirt, panties or jeans should be around her ankles during the lecture. Full or partial nudity encourages her to become attuned to her place. During a lecture, do not speak gently. Your slave will be more responsive to a firm tone and hardened sensibilities. She should feel she has caused you displeasure, and that alone will be disconcerting to most slaves.

Many physical punishments are best preceded by a lecture. This gives you the opportunity to explain fully how your expectations were not met. Always ask your slave if she has a valid reason for disobedience (she may - and she shouldn't be punished if she does.) Most likely, any reason she gives you will not be terribly valid. If she encountered a problem with your orders, it should have been brought to your attention long before the lecture stage.

When you punish the slave, she should know she's being punished. If you want the punishment to be effective, there is no room for confusion. If corporal punishments are all sexually exciting to her, perhaps you should find another method of enforcement, or choose an instrument you know your slave doesn't like. (Some slaves hate canes, some paddles, etc.) If your slave loves gardening, it won't be very effective to send her out to pull weeds in the flower bed. It would be effective to take gardening away from her for a suitable length of time.

The slave has some responsibility while being punished as well. For example, if she is becoming sexually aroused, you might want her to admit this so you can proceed in a different manner. slave responsibilities during punishment are outlined in more detail in the essay section of this site.

Punishments are as varied as the people who prescribe them. (See Ideas for Punishment for some of my favorites, but keep in mind that just because they are listed does not mean they are all implemented. Some of them remain "promises" in the event of future disobedience, and the fear of that alone is enough for my slave to curb her behavior.) Once your slave's punishment is complete, you must give her a clean slate. Never bring up "old" infractions as a basis for judging new ones. The slave should be given the opportunity to apologize to you so that you can judge the effectiveness of the punishment.

Remember that just because you are through punishing her, your slave may not be through with the process. For my slave, the feelings of shame don't always emerge until the punishment is over. I allow her to assume an abject position for a period of time to "shake it off." Of course there are times when her punishments must be followed by an immediate return to her work.

Your slave should confess infractions to you, and should understand that if you find out later that she hasn't, the punishment will be more severe. Allow her the confession, and make certain you tell her she did the right thing. Do not, however, lessen the punishment because of the confession. Confession is a duty, not a way out of trouble.

In order to maintain a strong foundation for a Master/slave relationship the Master must remain consistent in all matters of control. He must mean what he says and demonstrate a pattern of carrying through with the promises of punishment and reward.