slave training: the body - original article published by Master Stern and slave yielding

preserved from  www.thegoldentether.com/board/viewtopic.php?p=122342

            service training

"Loyalty means nothing unless it has at its heart

the absolute principal of self-sacrifice."

- W. T. Wilson

The most important thing you can do as a Master is to be specific in your expectations of the slave, and consistent in their enforcement. You can be spontaneous, but don't be "off and on." If you command your slave to bring you coffee each morning and she doesn't do it one day, don't let it go simply because you aren't in the mood to apply discipline. If you are not consistent, your slave cannot trust you.

You are the only judge of the areas of service in which you want your slave to be adept. This requires that you be specific in your instructions and consistent in their enforcement. Your slave must understand what is expected of her before you can express disappointment or chastise her. It is NOT OK to beat a slave and tell her why later, and more, slaves don't like being mistreated - they don't expect or enjoy it. Your slave is not a mind reader, and no one likes being treated with utter disregard.

Teach her the things you want from her, and if she doesn't know how to do something, patiently explain or show her. (i.e. you can't expect her to change the air filter if she's never lifted the hood of a car.)

Often, slaves tend to eroticize everything. This shouldn't be discouraged in the initial stages of training, however, your slave will eventually need to understand that if a task cannot be eroticized, it must be accomplished anyway. She may have to be shown that her duties are not all erotic or sexually stimulating. (This was, and still is, one of the hardest things slave yielding has had to learn. It continues to be problematic for her to focus on service when she doesn't feel "aroused" by it.)

Your slave should be taught to be attentive to your needs, to anticipate where she can, and to act when she sees that you require something. Don't expect her to be a mind reader, however. Instead, help her become aware of your habits and desires, first with gentle reminders, and then with firm discipline. Simple instructions should only have to be given once. If you don't overload your slave with too much information, you can expect that she won't make it necessary for you to repeat yourself.

Be sure to tell your slave that it's all right to ask questions if she doesn't understand. Don't berate her for her questions, or make her feel incompetent in any way. She should feel comfortable enough to tell you that she doesn't understand, and at the same time, it should be made clear to her that she should not have to ask the same question again and again.

In general, and depending upon what you want from your slave, some micro management may be necessary in the beginning stages of training. You will want to check her work and point out areas in which she can improve. Most likely, she will want this, too. Your slave will base her future behavior on the input she is given.

Dress for service:

I find that my slave performs at her best when she is naked, and for that reason, she is most often naked while with me. A slave's dress is her Master's option, and she should abide by His wishes. Occasionally a slave needs an added reminder of her place, and for those times, keep a ball gag and an anal plug handy. At other times, have her wear nothing but heels, or rouge her lips, pubis and nipples.

Housekeeping:

If you place your slave in charge of housekeeping, spend and hour or two with her creating a "list" of the chores you expect to be done daily, weekly or monthly. Go from room to room and point out areas of special concern to you. Have your slave record your instructions and give her the opportunity to ask questions. Don't forget details. If you can't stand your socks rolled up in balls, you need to make that clear to her.

Your slave should then create her own schedule from the list. It is best for her to do this in order to get her used to the idea that just because you are her Master, you will not guide her every footfall. Your slave also needs to learn how to take responsibility and relieve you of minor tasks (such as list writing.) For the most part, slaves appreciate structure and schedules. This way, she gets those needs met without becoming burdensome to you.

Once she is done, you will want to review the schedule, making sure it doesn't conflict with other schedules (like work outside the home) and making certain she has not over-burdened herself in her desire to serve well. If you need to, help her arrange the schedule in such a way that she is able to be in attendance to you during your free time as much as possible.

You will have to spend the time to check her work each day for awhile (depending upon your slave and how well she does). Do not allow her to cut corners, and if you find a job poorly done, the slave should repeat the task under your supervision.

When your slave has become familiar with your requirements, you will no longer need to be so meticulous in checking her work, but you should occasionally perform a random household check. Have your slave bring her notepad and take down any irregularities (which she should attend to immediately after the inspection, if at all possible). The slave should be made aware that at any time during the training period, she will be punished for poor performance. Never punish her for something she was not aware of, however.

Make certain you tell your slave what she should have stocked in the house at all times (special water, medicine shelf items, etc.) Expect these items to be in your home thereafter.

Finances:

Household economics are best left to the discretion of the Master. In my case, when my slave moves in with me, we will not "share" expenses, but I will be in control of all financial aspects of the relationship, including keeping any money she may make in an outside job.

This is a tricky area, though. A Master should never create a situation in which, if left alone, the slave is penniless, whether through death or dismissal. Careful financial planning is an absolute necessity in this kind of relationship. The slave should be aware of what she will be "left with" should she find herself alone - before she agrees to any arrangement in which she has no financial control. Insurance policies should be maintained. While a slave may be perfectly capable of functioning on her own, after several years under your control, you must assume there will be a tendency in her to need the advice of an authority figure. A good Master will plan ahead for any eventuality - including the one His slave fears most - release. There is no excuse for leaving any human being emotionally and financially broken.

In most cases, the slave will need a household budget for expenses such as groceries and laundry supplies. Be reasonable, but insist that she stay within her guidelines. She should save all receipts, whether or not you will wish to review them. Non-essential items should be requested, and are subject to your approval. Allow the slave to state her reason for wanting or needing items you consider non-essential before automatically making a ruling on them. However, if the slave purchases without first asking permission, she should be punished. A good way to do this is to deny her a personal allowance (if she is given one) for a time. It may be appropriate to pre-determine how much your slave can spend freely; for example, anything over $20 must be cleared through you first.

A personal allowance also gives you the option, should your slave wish to purchase something you feel she doesn't particularly need, to encourage her to save her own money if it's that important to her. If you find that she does save for the purchase, consider allowing it from the general fund the next time.

Work:

Your slave may work outside the home to supplement your income, but whether she keeps her job should be for you to decide. If she does work a full day, take that into consideration in her work at home. Hiring a housekeeper does not make her any less a slave, and frees more of her time for you.

If your slave has abilities that can be put to use, you should do so. If you own a business or work from your home, consider that you now have access to an assistant or a personal secretary.

Attendance:

Your slave should spend as much time in attendance to you as she can (or as much as you can tolerate!) During her times in attendance, she should assume a "default" position of "kneeling down." She should limit her conversation unless you engage her, and even then, she should answer without shifting position.

Establish hand signals or voice commands that alert her to basic needs such as drinks. A Master's glass should never be empty unless he has stated he wants nothing more. Allow your slave to move from position without prior permission if her movements are service-oriented.

If she needs to leave the room, get her in the habit of asking your permission before doing so. If she doesn't ask, call her back and insist, or deny her the privilege next time.

While she has basic needs as all of us do, a slave should approach you in service having already taken care of her own needs as much as possible. She may bring a water glass for herself to keep in the room. She should use the bathroom before she begins attendance, and she should come to you clean, made-up (if that's how you prefer her) and ready to stay focused on her duties.

At the end of her service time, if one has been established, the slave should ask her Master if he requires anything more of her before she leaves, and then should ask permission to be dismissed.

Free Time and Personal Growth:

Most Masters do not want their slaves to be robots, and most slaves do not want to lose their personalities to slavery. Make certain your slave is given free time and allowed opportunities for self-improvement (classes, etc.) Remind your slave that free time is a privilege and is one of the first things to be denied her should she fail you.

In all things, set forth a code of conduct and expect it to be followed. But do not be fooled. Your effort is required in all areas of her training. Simply laying down a law denies your slave of your attention and forces her to "fly solo." Even though you are "Master," she needs your care and attention. They reinforce her initial decision to serve and should not be denied her.

            sample task schedule

No doubt about it - this is micro management. slaves tend to love it, Masters usually despise it. At its most efficient, this form shouldn't be necessary once your slave has adjusted to your expectations. Try using it for the first 2-3 months of training. Then either cut it out altogether, or revise it so that it is more general and less time-consuming.

The best way to create a form such as this one is to incorporate it with the "walk-through" you do with the slave (see "Housekeeping" under "Service Training,") and then require her to draft her own schedule.

Instruct her to create an overall form listing the standards you expect her to follow, and then to create a more detailed "daily" form which she can follow through the initial stages of training.

NEVER suggest to her that you will be checking every item on the list or that you will be monitoring her daily, unless you can follow through with that (or unless, for some reason, you really want to.) Perhaps you can set aside time for a weekly or monthly inspection of your household, to conduct bodily inspections, etc., but the best reviews will happen at random, and without warning.

If you choose to check her work, not every item in her duty form needs to be checked at once. Choose a particular area of focus so you aren't spending all your free time monitoring the slave's performance.

Do not give the slave more to do than her time allows. Never set your slave up to fail you. It's certainly acceptable to expect her to perform all the household duties, even if she works full-time, but it's ridiculous to be picky about chores the way you might be if she were home all day.

Give the slave enough time to complete each task properly. She can't re-tile the bathroom floor in 30 minutes. However, if she is being punished with extra work, whatever it may be, she should feel pressured to accomplish her tasks in the allotted time.

Allow for flexibility and for limited freedom. A slave who is given "breaks" and/or "free time" is more apt to perform her duties without complaint and is less likely to be resentful

of your orders.

            position training

Position training is used to keep your slave available but not intrusive, to help her regain slave space, to punish her, to ease your access to her and to teach her to be focused on only one thing. Just as important, position training helps a slave learn patience. A slave is not always being used, and as property, may be "put away" at times. The slave learns, through the quiet, contemplative times, to behave as property - used when needed or desired, in a state of patient waiting when desire or need ebbs. slaves should be taught a set of positions that can be assumed with a word or hand gesture.

From my military experience I know that standing at attention for prolonged periods of time brings with it an inner calm, a meditative state, usually followed by a period of discomfort. To deny the body movement frees the mind to wander. A slave will often report a similar state to sub space. I find this a particularly good punishment and a good use of disciplinary maintenance. slave yielding still needs a lot of practice. She fidgets and groans. Each breach of the attention position is met with swift hard strikes from a crop or paddle. She calms down in 10 minutes or so and thereafter is a model little soldier. I no longer have to stand by and am free to do what I want, while feeling great satisfaction in her suffering. Her suffering really begins to set in after about 45 minutes. At some point I make sure to stand very close to her, my face close to hers, invading her breathing air, and after some time in silence I whisper things like "Remember why you are here?"

When a slave is ordered to assume a position, it should be done quickly, smoothly, gracefully and without question. While she is in position, she should be silent, making every effort to be invisible. While holding a position is not the time to ask to use the bathroom or do anything else.

A Note About body language:

Your slave should exhibit good posture at all times. This is one of those things that is simply "good for her" in any case. If a slave slumps, hunches the back, rocks back and forth, fidgets or displays jittery behavior, she is not focused and needs to be reminded. Don't neglect this - it will eventually become habit to the slave and you won't feel so pressed to be constantly alert. Although it seems old-fashioned, standing and walking with a book balanced on the head will increase your slave's awareness of posture and form. Teach the slave not only to walk, but to practice assuming the "attention" or one of the kneeling positions while keeping the book in place.

While in your presence your slave should never close the fists, the legs or the lips, in private or in the vanilla world. Teach your slave to keep her lips from touching (the mouth doesn't have to be gaping open, of course), to think about the position of her hands (in public, she may not be able to place them palms-up, but they can be relaxed and loose) and, if she has to cross her legs, to do it at the ankles rather than the knees. (This is manageable, even in a skirt. Allow your slave to practice in front of you until she can do this without drawing attention to herself.)

Train your slave to move gracefully and effortlessly into the positions you've assigned, whatever they may be. The slave will need to practice moving from one position to another while you point out how to become more adept. (Remind the slave that she is not clumsy or awkward - that all of us move without thinking, and you are simply alerting her to your choices. The slave should not be made to feel that she is unattractive, but must be made aware of how she presents herself to you.)

You and your slave should learn the positions you incorporate by name so that training can include simply calling out a position for the slave to take. At times during the initial training period, let the slave write or recite the names of the positions and what they entail. Have your slave practice them in front of you, and repeat them several times in a row - especially when done correctly - to solidify them as second nature.

The following are examples of positions my slave takes. Some of them are automatic (for instance, she is to kneel down when in attendance), and some are taken on command for various reasons (inspections, etc.)

Some of the names of the following positions are my own and are what work best with my slave. They are not "standardized" in the BDSM world, and you can obviously call them anything you wish. Remember that your slave is not the only one who must recall them, so keep them as simple as possible.

Positions

Attention: slave stands, feet and ankles together, almost touching. Arms are at the sides, fingers curled slightly under and held at the thighs. slave maintains a formal posture, with the back straight. Eyes are open and the focus is on the horizon. slave is not allowed to move or shift her gaze. (If you use this position, be certain your slave does not lock the knees, for safety reasons.) Used before punishment, for lectures, to enhance slave's headspace, or to place slave out of the way for a time.

Parade rest: slave spreads feet apart (moving the left foot only to do so) to the width of the shoulders - arms behind the back, holding one wrist with the other hand. This position is not taken without first having been at attention. Used to give slave a "rest" from lengthy periods at attention.

Kneel up: This position is the same as standing "Attention," only the slave does it on the knees. As with "Attention," the position is a good one for lectures and/or before delivery of punishment. Also used to formally greet the Master or to acknowledge His presence when He enters the room.

Kneel down: slave kneels with knees far apart, resting back on the heels. The back is straight and the hands rest on the thighs, palms up. Chin does not drop, (although as you can see here, slave yielding performed poorly for this pic), but the eyes are lowered slightly. (You should be able to see that the slave's eyes are open, and the slave should be able to see any gestures you make.) This is a relatively comfortable position that can be held for very lengthy periods of time. While in attendance to the Master, this is a good "default" position for the slave to assume if she is not otherwise in use.

Kneel "open": slave kneels down, tilts the head back, closes the eyes and opens the mouth. In this position the slave should feel and be viewed as a receptacle. The mouth should be open as wide as possible - the idea is not for the slave to be "pretty," but to be aware of her role. If the slave complains of mouth or jaw pain, it may be that the mouth is not being relaxed and opened to its fullest.

Cow position: slave stands, spreads the feet wide apart, bends at the waist and places the hands far in front of her on the floor. Allow your slave to come to this position from the floor if it is physically necessary. The slave should be able to move in this position, "walking" on all fours and keeping the legs spread apart. (The position does not "look" like a cow, but is given for use with my slave.) Cow position, and the occasional "moo" the slave is told to make is a good lesson in humility for a slave who is exhibiting too much pride.

Graze: From "cow" position, slave is allowed to drop to her knees, still keeping her legs open wide. In this way, she can lower her head to a food dish on the floor (her "trough" in our case) by bending her elbows. Used as punishment, eating from the floor or from a bowl on the floor is a good lesson for a picky slave. In general use, the slave's meals should be taken after the Master's and consist of what is left of His meal. The slave should be expected to eat whatever is placed before her.

Punishment Position: slave spreads legs wide apart, bends at waist & grasps ankles. (Modified, slave may use the side of the bed, a chair or a table for balance.) Expect the slave to resume the position should she move out of it, and do so without being told. The punishment position should not be used for anything else (sex, etc.). The slave should understand that if told to assume this position, only punishment will follow.

Sexual Presentation Position

I have allowed my slave a set of positions used to indicate the desire for sexual activity. The slave is allowed to assume them at any time, although the desired result is not promised simply as a result of the position. These positions provide the slave a method of communicating her need without being presumptuous, and are especially effective during Voice Training and prolonged periods of silence. Once a voluntary position is assumed, the slave must hold it until released by her Master.

Present: The slave kneels, facing away from her Master, bends forward and lowers the face to the floor or bed. The back should be arched and the shoulders pressed to the surface. (Again, my slave did not manage to give a proper example of this position.) The buttocks should be lifted toward the ceiling, the legs spread much farther than seen here, and the pussy and asshole exposed as "in wait" for use. (The slave, of course, is not at liberty to determine which is used.) The slave can also reach behind and use the hands to further open that area. Regardless of my decision to accommodate her, the slave is sometimes left in this position for a lengthy period. This creates a sense of vulnerability and embarrassment at being so bold.

Supine Present: Also to expose the sexual orifices, the slave lies on the back, hands at the ankles, and draws the legs up as far as possible. Eyes should be on the ceiling.

Oral Present: slave goes to hands and knees, knees apart, lifts torso, arches back, tilts chin up and opens her mouth wide, indicating desire to perform oral sex. (This is not a bad one for slaves who wish to get back in their Masters' good graces.)

Inspection Positions: From time to time, my slave is inspected to remind her to pay careful attention to issues of hygiene, or simply for my own amusement. When I call "inspection," she is to assume the following positions, in order, moving to the next when I indicate to her I've finished with that portion of the inspection.

slave stands at attention until cue from me.

slave then moves the left foot to open the legs wide apart, laces fingers behind the head and drops the mouth open. (Legs, underarms and pubic region is felt for smoothness, mouth is available to check condition of teeth and breath)

slave then removes hands from the back of the head and offers them for inspection. (my slave does not have to maintain long fingernails - it would interfere with chores - but I expect her hands to be soft and her nails even and well-kept.)

slave turns to face away from me and resumes a position of attention, lifts one foot at a time to inspect feet and toenails.

At my cue, slave spreads the legs, bends at the waist, reaches behind and holds open her buttocks and pussy. Inspection of these areas ranges from sight, feel, taste, and smell to internal cleanliness. (use surgical gloves for internal inspections - your slave should remove them from your hands afterward and dispose of them. If they are not available and you choose to inspect her internally, after the inspection is over, the slave should bring water, soap, washcloth and towel and clean your hands.

During the inspection, the slave is to keep track of any areas found unacceptable, and when dismissed, is to take care of them immediately. The slave is not to return to my presence until she is presentable. Upon returning, the slave resumes the position of attention and remains there until I acknowledge her and the entire inspection procedure is repeated. Once she passes inspection, the slave also endures a punishment, lest she think that the punishment was simply to "fix" problems that shouldn't have existed in the first place.

            sexuality training

The sexual relationship between a Master and a slave differs from most other sexual relationships. In a healthy, fulfilling Master & slave relationship, both parties achieve their greatest sexual pleasure through the Master's arousal and release.

Their interaction can be intimate and caring, but it is not based on equality or reciprocity of action. Establish this with your slave from the beginning. Make certain she understands that her sexual release is no longer a "right," but a privilege, and it comes to her not for her benefit, but for your pleasure. This is not a foreign notion to the slave, and in most cases, giving you pleasure is the slave's greatest desire.

Nevertheless, it is wise to keep this tenet as the basis for each and all encounters with the slave. Do not expect her to turn away from the idea of her own need for physical release, but take control of that need, and do not allow yourself to be manipulated into "giving in." Give her release as generously as her behavior merits. Don't let her become so frustrated that it jeopardizes your relationship or her submission.

In the negotiation stage of your relationship with the slave, clarify when and under what circumstances she will be able to refuse serving sexually. (i.e. illness, etc.) Determine, as well, the method by which she will convey this to you. If she is able, a slave should ask permission to be released from this duty (or any other, for that matter) and never simply state she will not comply. The slave should understand that she may be asked to perform sexual acts that are new to her or possibly uncomfortable for her, but she should be reassured that your intent is not to harm her physically or emotionally.

Although "sex on demand" seems quite natural in a Master/slave relationship, it raises issues that should concern you. Do not confuse the words "control" and "force." Violation is the stuff of fantasies and is never a Master's right. Even if your slave has agreed beforehand that she is not allowed to refuse you, forcing yourself on her is rape, and rape is always a crime. BDSM is a consensual practice. Committing rape does not make you a Master - it makes you a felon, and a slave who is the victim of rape should remove herself from the relationship and take any appropriate legal action with which she is comfortable.

yielding's note: it has been this slave's experience in the BDSM community to find many, many instances of submissives/slaves who have been sexually abused as children or adults. If you've been abused, make sure each of your partners is aware before you begin. While many survivors of abuse have dealt with their emotional pain and enter BDSM legitimately, many enter with multiple unresolved issues. For those, BDSM can become a bad experience and can exacerbate their emotional troubles. It is unwise and unfair to use BDSM as therapy, or as a "stop-gap" method of dealing with emotional trauma. Your Master is not your therapist, and the BDSM community is not "Group."

In all likelihood, your slave will come to you already having had various sexual encounters, and already having a relatively "standard" method of approach to them. For that reason, you will need to attune her to your specific desires, those things you find most pleasurable, and those you find unpleasant. You and she should think of this relationship as her first - and assume she will need as much training in this area as in any other. Fortunately, sexuality training is quite pleasant for the Master, and there is little reserve about scheduling "practice" sessions. Unfortunately, when sexually aroused, a Master is less likely to be thinking of the details about how his slave is performing and more inclined to be swept away with the moment.

Every now and then, try to distance yourself from what is happening to you in order to complete your slave's training. You may or may not lose your erection, but that is somewhat unimportant at the time of training. Teach your slave exactly how you want her to use her body, her hands and her mouth. Teach her how to position herself for ease of access. You may also want to teach her how to respond. Some slaves' natural responses need to be quelled, others need to work on letting themselves go, and all need to know what level of response is the most pleasurable to you - although a slave should never 'fake' a response. Find out how your slave reacts, and enhance her reactions to suit your needs.

* Purchase a dildo that approximates the size and shape of your own penis, so the slave can practice her oral techniques. (By watching her do this, you can step back from the situation, issue directives and give encouragement.)

* Use a dildo for penetration as well. Position it where you would be if it were attached to you so the slave can learn the most effective positions and how to assume them quickly, so as not to disturb the moment.

* Teach the slave how to remained focused on you rather than become lost in her own arousal. Stimulate her if you notice her performance is becoming more technical than passionate, and cease the stimulation if her passion makes her forget her technique.

* Assign "homework" for the slave. There are many books and web sites that reference sexual techniques. The slave should make use of them for your benefit. Instruct her to do research in a particular area and then have her demonstrate what she has learned.

* "Criticism" is self-defeating. Unless you own a slave who is turned on by that sort of dialog, it is far more productive to "critique" a slave's performance than to criticize it. But don't be afraid to critique. It is just as self-defeating to allow the slave to continue doing something you don't like in order to spare her feelings as it is to berate her for doing it.

Orgasm with permission:

It is fairly standard within the BDSM community to expect a slave to ask permission to come to orgasm. This reminds the slave that even at her moments of greatest pleasure, her sexuality belongs to her Master and is not for her to determine.

# Your slave should ask in full sentences and in a voice loud enough to be heard. The act of forming a sentence and posing the question reinforces that her pleasure is subject to her Master's whims. (I have encountered women who 'lose the ability' to speak in sexual situations. A focused slave is usually able to overcome that inability when she finds she wants an orgasm badly enough - however, if the slave honestly cannot form words, devise a signal that alerts you to her desire. The signal should approximate the energy a full sentence would take. Lifting a finger does not constitute asking a question.)

# Don't overdo it. There are times when you want to exhaust your slave with orgasm, but the slave should also be refused occasionally. A sexually stimulated slave, in my experience, is a more attentive and more submissive creature. Teach your slave that arousal does not equal release.

# In the early stages of training, your slave may make mistakes. Devise a method for punishing your slave if she comes without permission. Corporal punishment is not a good choice here. Spanking your slave during times of arousal trains her to associate pain and pleasure - something you may want to teach her, but not in this situation. Spend 24 hours stimulating the slave to the point of orgasm without allowing her release. Verbally express your disappointment in her. Find a punishment that works for both of you, and enforce the rule each time.

Orgasm on Demand:

Many slaves can be trained to come to orgasm on demand - with a word or gesture. The training method is quite simple, but it often takes several months of practice for the slave to achieve your goal. (Not all slaves are capable of this - it is easier with those who have multiple orgasms. This kind of training is more 'just for fun' than a necessary component of a slave's service.)

* Begin by first training the slave to ask permission to come during sexual situations. When you have fully mastered her training in that area, begin to stimulate her in situations that aren't sexual (i.e. driving in the car, etc.). Manipulate her with your hand until she asks to come, and initially, allow her to do so each time.

* After a time, wait several seconds to a minute before giving her permission to come. continue the stimulation during this time, and then give your permission.

* When you feel she has accomplished this wait, deny her permission to come the minute she asks, and take your hand away. Intersperse this with giving her permission, or denying her and continuing the stimulation.

* Next, issue an order to come immediately after pulling your hand away. At that point, she is coming without direct contact. Lengthen the space of time between release of contact and the slave's sexual release as long as she is keeping up.

* Eventually you will be able to issue the order long after the stimulation has ceased. At that point, you may try commanding her to come before she is stimulated. (If it does not work, repeat the last step and try again.) A slave trained to come on command is able to achieve orgasm anytime and anywhere, and can even be walking down the street and not lose pace during the orgasm.

Initiation of sex:

In most cases, it is inappropriate for a slave to initiate sex by traditional methods. It gives her the sense that she is on an equal footing with you in this area. However, because a slave has physical desires like anyone else, it is a good idea to talk with her about how she should approach you with them. My slave has been given three positions she can assume without my command to indicate she has a desire for sex.

All three positions display her in such a way that she is issuing an invitation, which may or may not be acted upon. Two of the positions display her genitals, forcing her to open and offer them. The third is a display of her open mouth, which indicates her desire to serve me orally.

Insist that the slave use these positions (or any others than you might devise) or "ask" for sex in a non-traditional manner. The slave needn't be "comfortable" with the gestures; it may be difficult for her to expose herself in this manner. That's OK. Do not, however, create a manner for this request and then allow her to ignore it.

Multiple Partners/Poly Relationships:

Whatever your desire in regard to multiple partners within your Master/slave relationship, you must establish them with the slave before she even begins training with you. If there is any possibility that you will be with more than one partner (or that you will ask her to be with more than one partner), she must be made aware of this up front. Even if she agrees, do not expect poly relationships to be "easy." Your slave will need reassurance during your encounters with others. You must be willing to find a way to assure her of your continued commitment, and at the same time, remain firm in your commitment to this aspect of the relationship.

slave yielding and I have both agreed and remain firmly committed to my choice to pursue poly relationships. My slave is determined to overcome any issues she has with this, but it is often a struggle, simply because she needs added reassurance of my commitment to her during these times. slave yielding's sexual duties extend to me alone, and she does not have permission to engage in any sexual scenes without my order to do so. She is expected to obey that order.

As Master, my limits are my own, and do not, at this time, include monogamy. My personal choice has always been to inform yielding of upcoming sexual encounters and to include her in them, but she knows that is not something she should expect or consider her "right."

Offer your slave emotional support where you can. Make an extra effort if it is needed. You are responsible for her emotional well-being. At the same time, encourage her to understand her role. Allow her to help in your preparations by making reservations, attending you in your bath, preparing the house or preparing food for the evening. If possible, have your slave attend your guest in the same manner, preparing her for you. This may be difficult for the slave, but you will have ample time during preparations to reassure her and let her know how much her help means to you.

            anal training

It needs to be said right up front that this is not for everyone. Some find anal play distasteful; some consider it to be on the edge of kink. It is not a "necessary" component of your slave's training, any more than any of the other sections of this guide. Ultimately it is only you who can decide what is right for you and your slave and determine the course of her training.

Secondly, (and it should go without saying), do it RIGHT. Be SAFE. (As with any other area of BDSM, a submissive or slave who feels she is being treated without sufficient precaution to her safety should immediately stop and remove herself from the situation.)

* Don't use objects in anal training that weren't designed for the purpose of anal play. Using household items, food products, small animals, etc. is dangerous. (Facetiousness aside, good adult toy stores have enormous selections of products for anal play.)

* Take it slow. (Reminiscent of John Cleese's admonition in The Meaning of Life, "Must you stampede for the clitoris? Haven't you ever heard of foreplay?"

* Exhibit patience. This is an emotionally-charged exercise for many people.

slaves who are unfamiliar with anal play should be treated with emotional caution and some compassion. As time goes on, and the slave becomes aware that this will be a component of her life, less caution is required, and her familiarity should rid you of the need to be overly charitable regarding feelings of vulnerability and shame.

When slave yielding came to me, she had experienced anal play many times in the past, but had not (and still has not) overcome the feelings of vulnerability, shame and mortification associated with the training procedure. I find this to be a very powerful tool in her case. Anal play can be used as punishment, for humiliation purposes, or simply as a method by which I remind her of my control over her. For the slave who has overcome the societally based issues of guilt and shame, the emotional effects will be less apparent.

In the case of anal training, some emotional effects are desirable. It is quite often exhilarating to watch your slave as she begs for this kind of use, all the while feeling ashamed of herself for doing so. Anal training should not be so frequent that the slave becomes entirely comfortable with this part of her duties. It is a fine balance, and you must judge your slave's background and mental health to a degree before exploring this area of training. In the course of your relationship, it likely that the subject has been broached at one time or another, and you probably are fairly familiar with the slave. If you aren't, you should be before you begin.

Beginning the slave's training:

First, increase the slave's exposure. She should learn that this area of her body is not off-limits to you at any time. This can be accomplished any number of ways, not the least of which is simply touching and looking. Any method you choose should include somehow making the slave focus on what she is doing (displaying the most private area of her body) and why she is doing it (because she must make everything available to her Master at his whim.) Instruct the slave to focus on both these things simultaneously. Here are some suggestions for the beginner slave:

* Have your slave assume the "present" position, knees closed, on a raised piece of furniture or a bed. (This displays her better than the "knees open" position.) Position yourself so she knows you are behind her and knows that you are looking at her.

o Keep the slave in this position for a time. If she seems too comfortable with you talking to her, remain silent. Vice versa if she is more comfortable with silence.

o At some point during her stay in the position, she should be commanded to use her hands to spread her ass cheeks apart. Depending upon the slave's state-of-mind at the act, you can either encourage her gently, or insist roughly that you need "a better view."

Find other opportunities to increase the slave's exposure, such as random inspections of only this part of the body; watching the slave bathe or remaining with her while she uses the toilet, adding anal training to punishment or sexual acts (i.e. having to hold herself open while she stands in the corner or while you are using her from behind), or including cleansing rituals in her duties.

* The first act of "insertion" should be with a latex-gloved, lubricated finger. Even if your slave is familiar with anal play, start this way.

o An effective position for this approach is to put the slave over your knee as though you were going to spank her. The OTK position is very intimate - loving even. Bodily contact and your proximity often serve to make the act more acutely poignant.

o Watch the slave's face (you may have to insist she turn her head so you can see) for reactions as you examine her. Is she in physical pain? Emotional distress? Is the discomfort more than she can handle or exactly where you want it to be?

+ If the humiliation factor is something you enjoy, suggest to her that she have an enema next time, whether she needs one or not. (NOT if it's her first experience though...don't "play" with issues of shame in the initial stage of training.)

+ If your goal is to increase her ability for easier sexual service here, hold your finger steady and have her clench and relax her muscles, or simply encourage her until you feel her relax while moving in and out.

Using Anal Plugs:

Your collection of anal plugs should have a minimum of three sizes; small, medium and large (sizes should be proportionate to the slave, not based on what is available on the market.) Obviously you want to begin with the smallest size and work up.

* The slave should learn to hold the plug in, and be able to move about without it slipping out. While lubrication is necessary, too much makes the plug almost impossible to retain, especially if it is small.

* If you haven't set your slave up to fail by being too generous with the lube, the slave should be reprimanded and punished if the plug slips out. Move to the next size up if muscle weakness is impossible to overcome.

* The slave should be required to wear the plug for time periods that gradually increase, until you are confident that she is fully used to the plug. At that time, move up to a larger plug and begin again.

The slave wearing an anal plug is rarely comfortable enough to "forget" it's there. (If she's that comfortable, it's time to go up a size). The constant awareness, the feeling of being "stretched" open, and knowing you are watching her as she goes about her duties are such effective methods of keeping the slave in "slave space," and focusing her attention of the powerlessness of her position, that an attitude of subservience is almost guaranteed.

            public behaviour training

A slave should remember her status both in BDSM-friendly and vanilla public situations. There are obvious differences between the two, and it is important that you inform your slave of her expected behavior in each. Remembering her place outside the confines of your home allows the slave to retain "space" and gives her the opportunity to express her respect for you under various circumstances. It also reminds you that you are still the Master - deserving of her service, but responsible for her behavior as well. You both should remember that her behavior reflects your training. She should be continually aware of how others perceive her Master.

In any public place, the slave should attempt to look her best, dressing and making herself up according to your requirements. Many Masters only allow their slaves to wear certain outfits, or clothing that conforms to a style that pleases them. If this is important to you, take the time to go through her closet with her, separating the clothes she is allowed to wear while with you from those she can wear to work or when she is alone, etc.

In BDSM-Friendly Spaces

Regardless of where you are, your slave's focus should be on service to you before anything else. She should be attentive and aware of your comfort. It is entirely appropriate for the slave to assume a kneel-open position at your feet unless you instruct her to do otherwise. If kneeling is not practical, she should remain standing until she hears differently. Your slave should never "assume" she is allowed on a chair at a club or on a friend's furniture. That kind of presumption denotes an instant ability to "forget" her place, and shouldn't be tolerated. If you wish your slave to sit beside you, instruct her to do so. Let the slave know beforehand if she is allowed to ask permission to use furniture.

A slave should not initiate conversation, but should reply to any appropriate question or remark directed to her, especially if the question comes from a Dominant. Her responses should be polite and succinct, and she should not offer more information than is asked for. The slave should direct her gaze to whomever is speaking, and make every effort to listen to the conversation, whether it concerns her or not. If the slave appears bored, fidgety or restless, you should politely excuse yourself, remove her from the group and reprimand her in such a way that the group is not disrupted or distracted. Poor behavior in public should never create a situation in which a slave receives extra attention, good or bad.

Permission should be sought and granted before your slave leaves your side (to use the restroom, etc.). If she is allowed that freedom of movement, she should be quick in doing whatever she is doing, and quick in returning. If you need to leave, or wish to leave your slave behind while you do something else, it is important to make certain she is not left in a vulnerable position. Check on her often, not only to monitor her behavior, but to see that she is not approached or harassed by someone else. You should feel free to conduct yourself in any manner you see fit in public, and should not feel "shackled" to a slave - however, it is simply uncaring to allow her to accompany you somewhere and then ignore her altogether. If you feel that your actions will not allow you to give her at least minimal attention, you should leave her at home.

(Recently, my slave and I ran into an acquaintance at a club. He shook our hands and told us how much he had enjoyed our scene, and then began to express his appreciation for my slave's demeanor and body. Later, my slave told me how uncomfortable it made her - not because she was receiving compliments - but because the Dominant had been preparing for a scene, but interrupted it to talk to us. His submissive had removed her clothes and was standing quietly waiting for him when he began to address her about what he considered to be my slave's fine qualities. My slave was embarrassed for his, and told me that had it been her listening to me extolling the virtues of another woman right before a scene, her feelings would have been terribly hurt. And rightly so. Although your slave is there to serve, she relies on you to help her through the event, and to reinforce her self-confidence.)

Although the BDSM community often seems conflicted as to what forms of address are appropriate, it is always wise for a slave to address a superior as "Sir" or "Ma'am." If the Dominant prefers a different form of address, it is up to him/her to impart that information to the slave. Very often, I will hear of a submissive or Dominant who believes that the title of "Sir" or "Ma'am" must be earned, just as the titles of "Master" and "Mistress" belong only to the slave's owner. This notion comes of good intentions - to protect new submissives and to remind her that the scene must be consensual. However, such innocuous titles are used in every walk of society to denote a person's status, and no less should be expected in a community whose tenets include a hierarchical structure. "Sir" and "Ma'am" are not titles that need to be earned - nor however, are they titles that must be maintained should a person prove him/herself unworthy of them.

In Vanilla Spaces

The use of a title in vanilla spaces is often appropriate. My slave calls me "Sir" no matter where we are, unless the use of the title would offend someone else or encourage them to ask questions for which they really don't want answers.

In most cases, a slave can exercise enough discretion to make her show of respect obvious to you, but invisible to the rest of the world. She can monitor her conversation, focus her attention on you, be prepared to serve you in minor capacities, walk behind you, or keep her lips/legs slightly open.

As in all vanilla situations, it is unfair to those around you to inflict your relationship upon them.

However, if you find that your slave behaves improperly in a vanilla situation, she should be reprimanded at a more convenient time. Remind her that no matter where you are, she must make every effort to see you are not embarrassed by her performance. Often, embarrassing a Master publicly is best punished publicly.

            voice training

Voice training is an area of training that deals as much with respect and demeanor as any other focus of a slave's training. Popular literature on the subject suggests that voice training is a more "advanced" area of training, in which the slave may even learn other languages, usually to be used in conjunction with the Owner's business dealings.

While it may be true that an elite group of Masters have such business dealings and own multiple slaves, each of whose training is specialized in one area (housekeeping, sexuality, business), most of us own one or two slaves whose skills must be diversified. This section will discuss voice training for the typical slave, and what it means day-to-day in a 24/7 relationship.

With our voices, most of us are comfortable expressing happiness, contempt, sadness, petulance, irritation, fear and an entire range of emotions. The tones of our voices underscore the looks on our faces and the movements of our bodies. The words we use reinforce the thoughts and emotions that drive us. A slave's voice, like everything else about a slave, is intended to be pleasing to the Master, and its use is integral to her training.

slaves must learn that while they may have very important things to say, to ask, or even to teach, the use of their voice is a privilege that can be denied them at any time. If used properly, the slave should be rewarded with the continued ability to speak; if used improperly, she should be denied that privilege.

The slave who is properly voice-trained has learned never to make a remark, phrase a question, or offer an idea that expresses her own needs or desires. She may have them, but she has learned to speak in such a way that they do not emerge.

The basics of voice training begin when your slave is taught to refer to you by title. Although it is part and parcel of the respect a Master deserves, you can be sure that every time your slave says "Master," or "Sir," she is not deeply considering her level of respect for you. She has learned to integrate your title into her everyday vocabulary, and it comes as easily to her as your first name would in a vanilla relationship. It is a habit - a habit of speech and voice, borne of practice - which is exactly as it should be.

As you would do with any other part of her training, before you begin practice sessions with your slave, or create a set of guidelines for her, determine what it is you want, and remain consistent in enforcing acceptable behaviors. If you choose a course of behavior for the slave, be sure you are willing to enforce it at all times, whether or not you feel so inclined.

The following are my suggestions for voice training in everyday life.

The use of the Master's title is demanded in conversation, whether at home or in public. (yielding is allowed to use "Sir" in public when "Master" is inappropriate.) Ideally, the title should follow every sentence, but for the sake of convenience and the flow of conversation, it can be allowed after every complete thought.

# During scenes, BDSM gatherings and punishments, a slave should use your title before or after every sentence.

# In places where either title would cause other people discomfort, the slave should use the Master's given name in the same way she would otherwise use title. A Master should never be referred to as "he" or "him." (i.e. "That belongs to him.") If you do not want your slave to use your first name, she can refer to you as "Mr.______" in public situations, and no undue attention will be drawn to you.

# If the slave 'forgets' or becomes lazy about the use of title, she should be reminded by spending 24 hours using the title before AND after each sentence, in a more military fashion. ("Sir, yes Sir.") yielding finds this quite uncomfortable, because it stifles the flow of her conversation, allows her less conversational latitude, and makes her feel a little foolish. Yet by doing it, she can't help but be reminded of the importance of the title.

During the course of her training, the slave should learn to refer to herself in the third person or as an objectified being. (i.e. "This slave wishes to... or "it wishes to...") Initially, choose specific times to train the slave in this way. By the end of her training, should you so desire, the slave must be capable of giving up the use of personal pronouns such as "I," "me," or even "we." ("Master and this slave is an adequate substitute for "we.")

# Even if you are not particularly concerned about self-address for your slave, she should be able to perform in this manner if called upon to do so. The forced objectification in speech is a potent reminder of the differences between you, and third person address reinforces both a focus on someone other than herself, and the idea that she is no longer her own person.

# If the slave fails to use the proper self-reference, she should be ignored until she can do so. If she has a request, but speaks in first person, the request should be immediately denied, at least for a period of time. Before her request is granted, she should be able to ask properly.

In public or at home, a slave should learn how to properly instigate a conversation (exceptions made for work and family situations, of course). Unless the slave is under punishment, you should provide ways by which she can communicate with you, both when necessary or for no other purpose than adult conversation. The following methods are helpful:

# You may wish to allow your slave to ask permission to speak. Ideally, this should be done in the third person. "Master, may this slave speak to You?" Choose a question you feel is properly phrased and respectful. If it is not used, the slave should be ignored, or the voice stifled.

# Some Masters feel that "asking" to speak is the same thing as speaking. If You feel this way, give your slave a gesture or assign her a position that alerts you to her desire to speak. The slave should make the gesture or assume the position and wait to be acknowledged before actually speaking.

# In either case, inform the slave beforehand that the performance of the gesture or position does not guarantee she will have the privilege of speech. It is merely a method of alerting you.

# Often, a gesture is more practical than a position. With a gesture, the slave can be assured that her request has been seen, and then can go back to her chores, etc., until the time you choose to allow the speech. If a position is involved, you will have to verbally acknowledge and instruct the slave, unless you have given her previous instructions that allow her to relinquish a position without permission.

# When with a non-BDSM group of people, the slave should try, if she is able, to catch your eye before engaging in conversation. Exceptions must be made depending on who you are with.

# Once allowed to speak, the slave should keep questions or comments as brief and to the point as possible, unless you have given her permission to speak freely, as in conversation.

Remind your slave that instigating conversation implies an authority and power she does not have. Assure her that rules such as this are as difficult to enforce as they are to obey; through compliance, she is maintaining the environment you have chosen for yourself and for her.

At NO TIME should a slave's voice be raised in anger toward the Master. As difficult as the instinct to "fight" or to "defend oneself" verbally is to overcome, the slave must learn to refrain from voicing anger in the traditional way. That doesn't mean she can't be angry; only that she must express the anger with deference to your position. From the beginning, you should instill this principle in the slave, and assure her that deviation from it will not be tolerated. The slave should be encouraged to find ways to say what needs to be said without inflammation. As always, exhibit patience during training, but punish when necessary.

During Punishment, Play, Sex and Conversation:

# The sounds a slave makes (or doesn't make) are under your control as well. If you are irritated or displeased by any verbal response your slave makes, you must inform her (gently is best), so she has the opportunity to change her behavior.

# If your slave expresses herself poorly, stammers, carries on, repeats herself or is not able to communicate her point in an effective manner, help her overcome any difficulties she has. Poorly expressed thoughts should be repeated succinctly.

# If you are punishing your slave physically, or spanking her as part of a scene or simply for fun, tell her beforehand what responses you are looking for. Some Masters prefer stoicism, others prefer a slave who cries out unabated.

Sexually, help your slave express herself verbally if you wish, or help her curb an overabundance of graphic talk if necessary. A slave's response should be natural, but a true slave's natural responses are based on her Master's desires.

Perhaps the most difficult concept of voice training for your slave to grasp will be the ability to speak without referring to her own wants and needs. This is not a skill that can be learned overnight or placed in a list of rules and simply obeyed. The slave's pattern of thinking needs to be altered. Importance is placed outside of herself and onto her Master.

Initial training in this area is best accomplished through verbal correction. For example, if the slave were to say, " i want to go see a movie," your response should be, "How can you rephrase that statement so that it is more acceptable?" The slave can say, "If it would please You, Sir, this slave would like to see a movie tonight." Granted, the slave is still expressing her desire, but doing so in a way that sounds far less like a demand.

Eventually, the properly voice-trained slave must learn to forego desires like these altogether. That may sound harsh and unreasonable, but with training, the slave learns to integrate her desires with yours. she will be able to perceive the proper times to ask, and will be able to discern when your desires are such that hers can be integrated with them.

Teaching silence:

It is often desirable to create an environment in which the slave is "seen, but not heard." Benefits of silent service are detailed in the short essay "The Silent slave." The following are methods by which a slave can be trained in silence:

* Unless the slave has a question, or unless the need to alert You to something is undeniable, the slave should learn not to speak unless she is spoken to. This may be difficult to accomplish in vanilla situations, but at home, have a gag handy and require an ½ to 1 hour for an offense. (This is an exercise you may wish to incorporate for short periods of time only, at first. As the slave's training progresses, lengthen her times of silent service, and increase the punishment time as you deem appropriate.)

* Initially it is best to remove background distractions for the slave during her silence training. Turn off the music, the television, etc. Don't spend time on the phone. If the level of silence is something you cannot tolerate, invest in some decent earplugs for the slave so that her sense of hearing will be tempered.

* (The slave's should learn silence should extend beyond voice. Have the slave practice walking silently, crawling silently, bathing quietly, cleaning quietly - not a good time to give her the vacuum. Even running, if it is something you require your slave to do, can be done with relative quiet, and the slave should practice all these things.)

* During punishment:

o If you tell your slave to be quiet during a corporal punishment, be prepared. Silence at the time of a paddling is often almost impossible for many slaves. If would be terribly unfair to demand silence during this very painful time - at least in the initial stages of training.

o Isolation, corner time, or any other punishment that removes the slave for a time should be accompanied by an order to remain silent and use the time to consider her behavior and how she can improve it. A slave being punished through any technique of isolation should not be allowed to speak unless it is an emergency.

* Encourage the slave to use only as many words as she needs to convey a thought.