BDSM Database

https://arcaneadvice.com/all-lessons-a-z/why-basic-d-s-is-the-best-foundation/ Today’s Lesson: Why straight-forward, down-to-earth D/s makes for the best foundation in all cases of the many D/s variants. We hear a lot about DD/lg, Pet Play, and Brat Play / Resistance Play relationships as some kind of Core Identity for that relationship, and yet these kinds of relationships near-constantly hit a wall. The idea of these specific Kinks, while obviously great fun for the participants, needs to be modified if the two people are seeking longevity together. As someone who counsels BDSM couples professionally I hear about a lot of failures in this regard. What my partner and I have found in all cases of the common reasons these types of D/s-Variant Relationships fail is because they treat the particular Kink – e.g. Pet Play, Brat Play, DD/lg, etc – as the Base Foundation upon which to build the relationship, instead of building their favorite Kink ON TOP OF a solid, well-established set of D/...

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https://serviceslavesecrets.com/2021/01/15/but-how-do-you-just-hang-out-high-protocol-in-24-7-dynamics/ “But how do you just… hang out?”  Outside of maybe but how do you remember all that (a great question for another day), it’s probably the number one question I get when I talk about high protocol in the context of my dynamic, which is 24/7, live in, just two of us in the house and neither of us works outside the home; being a slave is my only full time occupation.    Well, let’s look at an example. This basic example happens on average multiple times a day and is probably our most typical interaction outside of a few other more specific rituals. I enter Mistress’ office to talk about something. I wait for her to acknowledge me, silent until she does so, not barging in already talking. She’s doing something on the computer. When she does look up a moment later and asks, “What’s up?” I kneel next to her, trying to be graceful about it, lowering to both knees at once ...

https://serviceslavesecrets.com/2022/05/12/being-a-slave-isnt-easy/ People often tell me that they envy my life as a slave, and a keyword that comes up to describe it a lot is simple. And they mean well, but the word simple makes me cringe a little. To me, it implies easy, and, for me, even as someone who is naturally inclined towards submission and service, being a slave isn’t easy. Slaving away means working hard for a reason. To me, slavery is a lot of things:  It’s dragging myself up from my blanket on the floor in the morning after being unleashed, shivering.  It’s falling off the side of the bed trying to get up after sex that was painful and only she got pleasure from, and I didn’t want to be used today. It’s having sex when I don’t want to have sex.  It’s dripping sweat from dirty work while she relaxes. It’s practicing a new slave position in the mirror for an hour to make sure it’s right. It’s a thousand trips up and down the stairs per day for chores.  It’...

https://serviceslavesecrets.com/2019/10/30/on-24-7-2/ So, I’ve been thinking about the question, “How do you maintain slave headspace 24/7?” A lot of conversations about 24/7 start with a note about how there is still food to be cooked, a house to be maintained, pets to be taken care of, etc. And this is true. If saying, “I’m a slave!” magically eliminated responsibilities like this, a lot more people would do it. In the real world, however, what it does is generally add responsibilities, not subtract. The objection I have to how that conversation usually goes is that the “food to be cooked, house to be maintained” statement always seems to follow a “but”. 24/7 M/s… but there’s food to be cooked. 24/7 M/s… but there’s a house to be maintained. And so on. My issue there is that I do not see it as a “but”. Because for us, it’s not that our dynamic lives in scenes and leaks out into the rest of our lives, hiding in the corners around the responsibilities of life. Handling those res...

https://serviceslavesecrets.com/2019/07/28/on-24-7/ 24/7. It means the power dynamic never turns off. Even if we wanted it to, I don’t think it possibly could, for us. So if she’s the Mistress and I’m the slave, 24/7, what is it that I do in that time? No, I don’t actively do “slave-y things” all the time. I have to sleep, after all, and even if I’m leashed to the bondage bed—I’m still asleep and not actively doing a whole lot. So what does 24/7 mean then, as far as external factors, and not just how we process our relationship internally? Well, a big part of it is availability. If I’m sleeping, she’s still able to wake me up and tell me to do something. Frequently she chooses to not do that. But that’s her choice, not mine. There are other situations where I might seem unavailable where she more frequently chooses to interrupt. It’s like an on-call situation. It means when she yells, “Slave!” I answer instantly, not at my convenience. It means our rules are in effect 24/7, as are some...

preserved from  www.thegoldentether.com/board/viewtopic.php?p=122342 When creating your own form, remember: A review form is meant to make your life easier, not harder. Keep the form as simple as possible, only including those things you've expected and will expect of the slave. Use reviews only 2-4 times per year, unless you are comfortable with the time they take to perform. To save time, tell the slave what the form should include and instruct her to design it and bring it to you for editing. Set a time limit for the actual review (i.e. one hour) and facilitate the process so that it doesn't exceed the prescribed time. This is not a "workplace" type of review. The slave should understand that nothing is "up for discussion." Her grievances should not be discussed while reviewing her performance, unless you choose to give her that privilege. It should not, however, be something she expects at this time. Suggestions for review process: Choose a time for revi...

preserved from  www.thegoldentether.com/board/viewtopic.php?p=122342 When properly trained, it is not at all unusual for your slave to have a reverence for you so strong that it resembles "worship." Worship is not an unknown term in the BDSM world: "boot worship" and "foot worship" are two examples of its use. A slave's "worship" of her Master is not akin to either of these, however. slave "worship" is not an act, but an inner feeling. It is only natural that, after a time of being so closely and carefully monitored and taught, the slave will begin to view you as a larger-than-life figure. You have provided her with everything she needs to live her life to her own specifications as well as yours. You are the authority who rewards and punishes. You are the patient and practical teacher. You rule with love, and thus endear her to you even further. Moreover, the ritualistic lifestyle and the structure within it sometimes resemble those...

preserved from  www.thegoldentether.com/board/viewtopic.php?p=122342 The incorporation of ritualistic behaviors serves to increase the slave's awareness of "difference" between the two of you. It is often a method of reminding the slave of the importance of her Master's needs and desires, and helping her understand how to put aside her own needs in order to serve dutifully. Rituals that occur in or outside of your presence increase your level of authority in the slave's life. They are NOT meant to be a series of random or useless practices however, (which is why maintenance rituals are included here). The rituals should either be practical or deal with specific behaviors that will increase the slave's ability to serve and be pleasing to you. Do not confuse "rituals" with "rules." For example, the "rule" is that your slave needs permission to come to orgasm. The "ritual," is the question the slave poses each time she want...

preserved from  www.thegoldentether.com/board/viewtopic.php?p=122342 "Discipline is the bridge between learning and accomplishment." - Jim Rohn Punishing your slave (and likewise rewarding her) is part and parcel of the Master/slave relationship. Little focus is placed on the "reward," and for good reason. Most slaves feel highly rewarded with just a word or two of praise. Praise for the successful completion of duty, however, should not be overly generous. Be sure that if you reward her with small tokens she does not come to expect them simply for fulfilling her obligations. The best way to reward your slave is to tell her she's done well and that she has pleased you. Physical or emotional discipline can be used at any time, but punishment should be reserved for acts of disobedience. Further, you should attempt to find out why the disobedience occurred before the punishment begins, and whenever possible, use a punishment that fits the crime. Know your slave bef...

preserved from  www.thegoldentether.com/board/viewtopic.php?p=122342               service training "Loyalty means nothing unless it has at its heart the absolute principal of self-sacrifice." - W. T. Wilson The most important thing you can do as a Master is to be specific in your expectations of the slave, and consistent in their enforcement. You can be spontaneous, but don't be "off and on." If you command your slave to bring you coffee each morning and she doesn't do it one day, don't let it go simply because you aren't in the mood to apply discipline. If you are not consistent, your slave cannot trust you. You are the only judge of the areas of service in which you want your slave to be adept. This requires that you be specific in your instructions and consistent in their enforcement. Your slave must understand what is expected of her before you can express disappointment or chastise her. It is NOT OK to beat a slave and tell her why late...